it's been awhile

so i realize i haven't blogged since june. i could give you the easy excuse of it was summer and i'm a youth minister, or things have just been really busy at church the last few months. but im not going to mostly i havent cause i just havent had the urge to write. i havent known what i really wanted to say or how i could get my true feelings across in coded language so that nothing i wrote could be misinterpreted or twisted and used against me. but i feel like its time to write again. even now i still dont know what i truly want to say except that i am stubburnly holding on to hope. other than that my son is awesome and taking his first few steps, this past month my dad(whos a missionary in new zealand) met jonas for the first time he is 10 months old now. that was awesome. i guess that is part of the cost of following the call to go and make disciples, that my dad and i and now jonas have to pay; a lack of time spent together, a likely disconnected relationship between grandson and grandfather. man at times it feels like a steep price to pay but it is a price im willing to pay for the sake of the call. there is all kinds of other things going on right now, but i want to reminisce a little about last weekend; i got to go back to socal and surf and spend time with my dad and my brother as well as many other characters from my childhood. i cannot tell you how much good surfing does for my soul. back before i went to lcu i was living in huntington beach, i was surfing on avg 3-5 times a week and about 2 hrs at a time. those few years were some of the darkest spiritually lonely times of my life so far. but in surfing i found a way to bask in the presence of God. i would paddle out, sit on my board, ride waves, and all the time be praying and singing and talking to God. i didnt really have a church family at that time so my intimate time of communion with God was spent in those 6-10 hrs(give or take depending on the week). since i've moved to phx i have tried to get in the water as often as i can. i love to surf, riding down the face of a hollow 6 ft face is breathtaking. but that is only part of it, for me i love the whole experience of surfing. from standing on the shore donut and coffee in hand checking the surf, figuring out where its breaking best and the easiest place to paddle out is, to the suiting up in the parking lot waxing the board. and then entering the ocean and that first duck under a wave as the cold water washes away most of my cares and worries, then the frantic paddle to make it out past the breakers, then the waiting and watching patience building time as you sit in eager anticipation for the next set to roll in. and then manuvering into the right position, then you paddle and as soon as you feel the wave start to carry the board you stand up and you ride down the face feeling more alive more in the moment that the few seconds feel like a brief eternity, each ride etched into you memory. and then you paddle back and out do it all again the eager anticipation and the fullness of the moment it is nothing short of divinley epic. and it does wonders for healing the soul it helps me quite down so that i can hear His soft whispers into my heart and into life. jesus often withdrew to lonely mountain places to be in the presence of God my lonely mountain was found surfing.